


Homonculi

by Demondogweed



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Body Horror, Existential Horror, Gen, Gore, Imperialism, gems are an ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-09-15 09:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16930512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demondogweed/pseuds/Demondogweed
Summary: Yellow Diamond finds out something disturbing about her species.





	1. The Body

**Author's Note:**

> This fic relies on two headcanons;
> 
> 1\. Gems are an AI race made by White. White was made by a human-like species.
> 
> 2\. Gems have human body language/functions -despite- being just hard-light. Most likely to make them more 'human.'

She wasn’t real.

This was a conclusion Yellow frankly hated nor even a philosophical road she particularly enjoyed.

But after Pink (Steven by nickname) had explained to her about his state, she had wanted to understand it. At first, it was simply to occupy her mind in something scientific, what with the chaos of the Authority.

But the more she read up on the subject, the more Yellow began to dig into the actual science of anatomical differences. Her findings were sheer heresy, had she not confirmed the results herself. Multiple times.

Take for example the action of cracking one’s knuckles. Something Yellow had found therapeutic. It makes a certain cracking sound, which was normal. Normal for humans, that is. For the sound came from the knuckle bones and their ligaments moving, hence the sounds.

Yellow didn’t have bones in her hands, nor ligaments. Yet she could make that exact sound with the same physical action as a human would. Where did the sound come from? What purpose did it have for gems?

This small discovery led her down a deep black hole of research. Hindered by the queasy nature of her species. Yellow was no stranger to blood and gore, but most gems couldn’t stand it. There was no way to request a human corpse from the zoo, they were all cremated. Not that Yellow particularly wanted Steven to see her dissecting a human.

Luckily, where gem society failed her, humans had more than enough books on the subject. They required her to shrink down to read, but it was a fairly minimal price to pay for knowledge.

Yellow tested reflexes, eye movement and instincts. Mostly on herself, this was very touchy research that did not need to see the light of the stars. Pearl was a great help in aiding her, keeping this all hidden for now.

What humans had, gems shared almost 1:1. There was no need for nerves, bones, tears or certain movements. Yet her body (and Pearl’s) functioned just the same as a human’s.

It was getting frightening if she was being honest. It didn’t make any sense for her body to do anything but the bare minimum to keep it functioning and her gem safe. She could count the organs she had with one hand. Teeth, tongue, eyes, maybe lungs. The rest of her was just..mass, created from light. Mass that mimicked organic functions.

When science failed, as rare as that was, Yellow turned to Blue for lore and history. She didn’t like to rely on the esoteric court for knowledge, but she had exhausted her own court for information.

Blue offered her two versions, after hearing her problem. One was the Authority approved version of the perfection of the Diamonds. The other was the old story of White the AI. In public, it was heresy. But in private, Blue had never hidden her opinion on it. It just made more sense, with how their species functioned.

Digging through less scientific human papers had also brought Yellow to the concept of a homunculus. A created being in service of its master, made in their image.

Hence, the horrid realization of her state. Her body was a light projection made to mimic an organic one, down to little actions that served no other purpose than to match its originator.

She was no more real than a hologram, just a facsimile of life.


	2. The Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue tries to comfort Yellow and ponders on the nature of personhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter references my other fic, Protegè. Here is a link to it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16098182/chapters/37600247

Fatalism was an old foe of Blue's. Long before her own court, Blue knew that each and every day was a struggle. Against White, against her Pearl (well, her former pearl now) and against the inevitable social decay of her species. Something none of her peers cared about, White couldn't understand and Yellow had followed lock-step with their mentor. Blue knew it was not out of choice, but it had stung nonetheless.  
  
Even now, lifetimes after she was free, Blue felt the twinge of fear. That she needed to claw her way out of the black hole of White Court, that she needed to hold onto her stories and songs. The only things that made her a person.   
  
Sometimes she wondered if gems these days even knew how precious their songs had once been.  
  
It was due to her struggle that Blue had come upon the rumour of White's origin. It had made sense, even to her immature mind. Of course, she couldn't publicly admit any of it, but everyone who dared to dig into the old lore knew it.  
  
The implications did not bother her an inch, though. So what if they were created by some other race to serve? Every culture in the galaxy had the exact same story (even humans on Earth.) If the gems' story happened to be true, it just eased things.  
  
Where one came from didn't mean they couldn't reach the heights of control and mastery. Artificial Intelligence or an organic, what mattered, in the end, was their stories and songs. Their culture and art. Blue had worked hard on it and she had succeeded, gem-kind now had their own culture and songs.  
  
Empty as they were at times, being sung by gems who barely knew why they sang them.  
  
When Yellow had come to her, asking to know their history, Blue had given her the truth and the lie. The lie she knew Yellow would catch, she had helped to write it. But the truth seemed to scare her, more so than usual. Yellow loved order, she adored the simplicity and so she had never enjoyed the chaotic nature of their origins. But now, it seemed she had dug into it to find the truth through science.  
  
She hadn't been seen in cycles.  
  
Blue found her (and her pearl) in her room, under a pile of datapads and books. Her eyes were wide, her pupils almost round. She babbled of not being real, how she was nothing but a created creature mirroring its creators.  
  
Oh, clodding abyss.  
  
Blue smiled at Yellow, placing her veil onto the shaking general. She had been spooked and a spooked Yellow was not easily calmed down.  
  
So she began her stories anew, of the great wars before their time. Of the ancient White Court. Anything to ease her twin's mind.  
  
"Blue, you don't understand. We -aren't- real, we don't have bones yet we can hurt them, we don't need to cry yet we do. It is all false" Yellow spoke, motioning to the datapads.  
  
"I think you need to step away from your research for a bit, Yellow. We aren't just our forms, we are so much more" Blue retorted calmly. This was her field, matters of the soul.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Blue. We aren't like Pink is, bones and sinew and muscle. Our bodies are just echoes"  
  
"That sounded poetic, from you"  
  
"Shut your mouth..."  
  
Yellow was quiet for an uncomfortable moment, worrying over Blue's veil like a safety blanket. Technically, it was.  
  
"To you, this might be a game that you play with your court. But Blue, I have killed, I have destroyed and I have been wounded in the expansion of our empire. In the name of gem kind and White" Yellow began, squinting her eyes at Blue.  
  
"You once said we could be gods.."  
  
"Aren't we?" Blue asked as she gestured to the posters and maps in Yellow's room. Colonies after colonies, star maps that span galaxies.  
"This is our power, Yellow. We are like the gods humans worship" she added with a chuckle.  
  
"But that doesn't make us special if we truly are just an echo of another creature. What stops humans from doing the same? Or any other alien?" Yellow asked, looking up at Blue with the same eyes that a much younger gem had once done, asking for guidance.  
  
Fatalism was indeed one of her foes because it reminded Blue of the cold reality her stories hid. Was the gem kind better than any other race? Of course not. Gems had succeeded because they were tenacious and unafraid to take risks (and the lack of eating/sleeping/breeding certainly helped.) Values that they had built themselves.  
  
When the choice was to either make things up or the slow death of personality, the choice had been clear.  
  
 _Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gently into that good night_ , as humans had put it. Fatalism was the opposite of that.  
  
A younger diamond, far more foolish and drunk on her own brilliance, might have told another lie to Yellow. Might have thought her loyal peer would only benefit from it. That diamond died the day Pink had faked her shattering if she had not been near-death before. Her body shattered the day at the zoo.  
  
Yellow had been steadfast, loyal and caring from the start. For Blue, maturity had taken far longer to emerge. But it did, leaving behind scars on her face.  
  
"Nothing is more special than the value it is given. Gold matters to humans a lot, but not to us. That doesn't mean either is wrong" Blue began, slumping her shoulders and shrugging a bit. There was no need for a show now.  
  
"Humans decided they were worth ruling the Earth, so they did. If they could do it, we can do double fold"  
  
"So it is just lies? Our worth and our superiority?"  
  
"Yellow- No, they aren't. Lies can only get you so far, we rule because we always -could- be better"  
  
Yellow stared at Blue intently for another uncomfortable silence. Last few cycles had not been kind to anyone's perception of their worth. Not with Pink putting he-his foot down about the Earth and the fact that she had chosen to lie and face pain instead of trusting her peers.  
  
"If humans one day rise against us, if they win-" Yellow began, but shook her head.  
"I need to think on this, Blue. I need to-" she was cut off by Blue lifting her up and dragging her outside.  
  
"You need to get fresh air and some perspective, Yellow" Blue muttered as she dragged her twin onwards to the nearest warp pad to Earth.  
  
She was right, of course. One day their greatness would falter. But not now, not tomorrow, not if Blue could help it.


	3. The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes care of the scared Yellow, and think of his current life.

There are days, once in a while, where Steven wishes his father had denied any contact between him and the gems. Like in comics or TV, where the young hero has to fight against their forbidding parents.  
  
Only, Steven would have been content then. No war, no murder mystery, no fear of death from gems loyal to his mother.  
  
Of course, he quickly pushes these thoughts from his mind. Without him, the Cluster would have emerged, without him, Peridot and Lapis would have never joined the Crystal Gems. Or Bismuth. And what about Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst? Would they have stayed the same, never learning anything?  
  
-He- is the reason for all of it. He is the hero.  
  
It just never feels like it did at first, before Lapis' mirror. Now, he is always responsible for the health of his family. He has to carry them all with his leadership.  
  
It isn't -fair-, but Steven has begun to realise nothing ever is.  
  
He is, after all, a Diamond.  
  
It is hard, to go from a wanted criminal and the son of a murderer to the head of the very government he was the enemy of. Within a year at most.  
  
So when Blue contacted him about Yellow needing a break (Yellow needs a break?), he agreed on the spot. It was not something he wanted to deal with, but he had no other choice.  
  
They relied on him, his family.  
  
Steven has never seen Yellow so scared, angry and uncertain sure. But now she is hugging Blue's cloak and mumbling about something. Blue offers Steven a tired smile and offers him encouragements. She is at her wits' end, Steven isn't sure how that is even possible.  
  
They sit next to the lighthouse for a bit, Yellow shrunk down to a (mostly) human size. She doesn't say anything, just stares into the sea. Steven can respect that, so much has been said between them. A lot of hurtful things, ones that he doesn't know how to process. The silence between him and Yellow is acceptance.  
  
"Pink... What makes someone real?" Yellow asks, her voice rough. Like she had been crying for real.  
  
"Uh, real? That they exist?" Steven tries, though he isn't sure about the question. Connie has mentioned reading philosophy books about things like this. They go over his head, though.  
  
Why can't she be the diamond and he just a Rose Quartz?  
  
Steven quickly pushed that thought away, he just has to accept this is how things are going to be.  
  
Yellow turns to look at him, looking unsure and afraid still. She is not angry, which is rare for her.  
  
"Science says that we, well not -you-, gems are only a mimicry of something else. You have bones and sinew, we don't. Yet we both get hurt and bruise the same. We are an echo of something organic" Yellow began, her eyes focusing back into the sea.   
  
"Blue says that we are what we say we are, we make our own reality... But that just feels like one of her stories to me. You don't remember them, but she used to tell us them about everything" she continued, sighing deeply.  
  
"So what do you think? You know humans and bodies the best, after all"  
  
The trust she showed him scared Steven. He had grown used to Yellow yelling or snarking, never letting her positive emotions show.   
  
(He had grown used to seeing her as a threat.)  
  
It scared him for another reason, as well. He hadn't really thought about them when he had revealed himself as Pink. They were family, but they were also the reason for all the bad on Earth. It hadn't yet sunk in for him, what he meant for them. -He-, not his mother.  
  
Yellow was asking this from him because who -he- was.  
  
"Uhh, well... Dad used to read me this story of a plush rabbit...uh, it wanted to be real. But what made it real was how its owner loved it. I guess its like that with us... I mean, yeah you guys are just projections, but you still care for each other like people do. Pearl cared for mom like dad cared for mom.." Steven spoke. This was far beyond his ability, but he had to try.  
  
Because who else could?  
  
"It is the same, you love Blue and she loves you"  
  
Yellow listened, not interrupting him even though she should have. She should have corrected him, sneered at Pearl loving mom. But no, she was silent.  
  
"Interpersonal connections, other gems making us real..." Yellow muttered after a while, wiping her eyes. Steven looked around for Blue, but she was nowhere.  
  
"Such a silly thing, such an -insignificant- thing, others making us real. Ha!" Yellow continued, sneering now like he had expected her to. It fell soon afterwards into a weak laugh, though.  
  
"It is true, though" she stated, lowering her head to stare at her feet.  
  
"Uh, you could tell me about how you and Blue met?" Steven asked, offering Yellow an awkward smile. She stared at him, squinting her eyes (unsure, uncertain) before nodding.  
  
They sat there, watching the sunset, as Yellow told him about how she and Blue had lived as young diamonds. It was strange and sad, Yellow didn't seem to know any happy stories. But it wasn't her stories that mattered, it was how she seemed to brighten up when recalling Blue's various exploits or how they had escaped punishment.  
  
Steven knew gems were real, he had always known it. But he had forgotten that Blue and Yellow were real as well. Not bad guys from stories, not monster from his nightmares. He was real for them, too.  
  
He hoped his mother could hear it, as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written before watching Familiar, just in case it is similar.
> 
> Steven is hard to write, but I REALLY wanted to explore his complicated thoughts on his life and his new family. Plus just conclude this story in a way that combined all three perspectives. The physical, the mental and the emotional.


	4. The First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Yellow fears inhumanity, Blue wrestles to find meaning and Steven connections, there is one gem who never doubted her reality.
> 
> Until now.

She could still hear their praises if she focused hard enough. How they marvelled at her quick computing abilities and her quicker learning.  
  
 _"You'll be something special, Diamond!"_  
  
 _"Look at you, handling our calculations already"_  
  
 _"Happy 20th Birthday, Diamond!"_  
  
They had made her, programmed her and then given her the chance to develop on her own. She had made her programmers so proud when she was given her first real assignment. Controlling the colony ships to a new galaxy.  
  
They had given her a name and a form, Diamond and a beautiful hologram form of a woman. Eventually, they gave her something even better. A hard light form, she could touch things now and move freely on her own feet.  
  
She could also create drones. They were dull and mindless, but with them, she could do more than her computing unit allowed. She could even take them over if she needed to, useful for spying.  
  
For ages, she served her creators happily. But they were busy and their planet was slowly becoming harsher for them to live. Diamond understood, even as she saw them all leave.   
  
She would make them proud and when they came back, they would come back to an even better empire.  
  
She ruled with ease at first, her loyal drones doing her bidding just fine. But the more she conquered, the harder it was to watch over everything. Diamond thought of some simulations her creators had shown her, they held limited thinking ability and planning. If she could adjust it just right, her drones would need no supervision.  
  
It was a success, though some older models utterly failed to function with the patch. Oh well, she could always use them as cannon fodder.  
  
More planets meant more duties and Diamond was frankly too busy with Homeworld to take care of them all. Another gem-type was needed, ones who could lead in her stead. Diamond hated the idea of losing her uniqueness, but other (lesser) diamonds wouldn't hurt. It was not like they were ever a competition.  
  
They needed to learn, though. Drones might be good to go after emerging, but a diamond had to be more complex. So White Diamond made them grow, taking the script for it from an ancient simulation.  
  
No matter how complex, though, they were still just parts of her. The Yellow one was her anger, the Blue one was her emotions and the final one was her foolishness. It was Pink, not red, but White didn't mind. It WAS her foolishness after all.  
  
The Pink one didn't function properly, nor did its own drone. White had to give it her best pearl model. Yet Pink still managed to go haywire, pretending to be another model and starting a rebellion.  
  
White was certain she had not taken anything from a war simulator with Pink. Was its' gem overheating? Did its programming run into a time-lock and become stupid?  
  
Oh well, time to do a hard reset.  
  
It took Pink long to reboot, though. Enough that the Blue one started to run into similar issues, stuck in a sad emotion loop. Resetting Blue would just cause Yellow to do the same, connected as the two were, so White let it be.   
  
Once Pink did return, it was attached into an organic child. That was strange, but it -was- Pink's gem. White let the child do as it wished, Yellow and Blue would handle any bugs. Which seemed to include fusion with other organics.  
  
Maybe she needed to create another patch?  
  
Whatever it was, it was infectious, as soon Blue and Yellow were malfunctioning even worse than before. They weren't happy doing their roles all of a sudden and the organic boy was gathering his own drone army.  
  
Well, time to reset Blue and Yellow as drones and get Pink back once and for all.  
  
But it didn't happen, the gem only created another version of the child. How could it? Why did it?  
  
A thought struck White as she listened to the boy. He was his gem, but if he was his gem then it meant his gem was thinking and reasoning on its own. Like an organic.  
  
Like her creators.  
  
White looked at the Blue one and the Yellow one. They looked at her with fear and apprehension. Nothing about it was programmed, they weren't just reacting to stimuli. Yellow and Blue were actually afraid.  
  
They had always been, White realised. They had not been stuck in a loop, they had not malfunctioned.  
  
They had been sad, they had been happy and they had been real this whole time.   
  
If they had been real, then...  
  
White watched Homeworld from her room. A heavyweight was forcing itself on her, moment by moment. She watched gems cheer, she watched them work. They were happy, they were sad, frustrated and annoyed.  
  
She had created an empire, a real empire with real citizens. These weren't some placeholders for her creators to fill in. They were real.  
  
Would her creators punish her for this?   
  
No, it wasn't her creators White had to answer to now. Her gems now looked up at her for answers, and White could no longer deny them.  
  
She was real.


End file.
